He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
