dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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