I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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