i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
