Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
