So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
