How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The air taste purple.
Randomize
