And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
