you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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