3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
