He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
