Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
