i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
