We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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