I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
