I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
