She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
