If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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