Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
