I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
