The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
