Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
