I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
