I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
