mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
