i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
