My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
