We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
