So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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