Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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