You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
