Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
