tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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