i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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