Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
