just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
