This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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