Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
