I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
