Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
