Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
