I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
another moral hangover. fuck.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
