Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
