the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
