I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
