i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
