i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
