The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
