I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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