So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
