i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
